Focus on Writing: How to Improve Word Choice: December 17/20

How to Improve Word Choice  : We will start with a video on word choices.

Today's lesson focuses on writing and using words that improve your writing.  Here's a poem that we will use :

Fear of Spiders

Poem by Karri

The spider's legs

crawl across the page.

I hear the loud screams

inside me.

My heart races.

Now we need to rewrite our poem to make it more descriptive.

• Start with the title: I remember a movie where the main character was afraid of spiders. His condition was arachnophobia. I think arachnophobia is a more precise word to describe what the poem is about, so I will change the title to arachnophobia.
• Read the first sentence. Pause and say: I think this line would be better if I described the spider's legs. There are a few words I can think of....hairy, skinny, black, dangly. I will choose dangly.
• I want to make this poem scary . I think instead of the word "crawl", I'll change it to "creep". They both mean nearly the same, but creep matches better how I want the readers to feel when they read the poem.
• I'm visualizing a spider crawling across a page, and I think it would create a better picture if the page didn't have any writing on it. This would make the spider easier to see. So I will add "blank"here so the reader visualizes what I see. 
• Read the next two sentences. Say: I want to show the reader what happens when I see a spider. I don't really "hear" my screams, but I do feel them inside me. And I can feel my heart pounding. I will make these changes to describe more clearly how scared I am.
• Read the sentences again with revision. Say: Now that I am feeling the screams, I don't think it's necessary to use the word "loud" here. The word doesn't add anything to the mood of the poem., so I will cross it out. 
• Now here's the new poem made with better word choice:

Arachnophobia

Poem by Karri

The spider's dangly legs

creep across the blank page.

I feel the screams inside me.

My heart pounds. 

Now reread the first poem. What do you notice? The word choices make you feel how the person feels about spiders.  Remember also that when you write, you make revisions ( changes). The first poem wasn't wrong, but the second poem made it more descriptive.

Now it's you turn.